Is racing better than sex?

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Philip Platzer/Red Bull Content Pool

Anyone who’s ever raced a motorbike will know it’s really good, most of the time. Just like anyone who’s ever had sex will know that’s really good too, most of the time. In fact, there’s quite a lot of similarities between bike racing and having sex; both will make you sweat, make you swear, and they’re much more fun when you’re not by yourself. And if you’re really good, you might even be able to earn a few quid out of it. But is racing better than sex? Can going round in circles on a noisy motorbike really be more pleasurable and more fun than something we’re instinctively hardwired to be desperate for? That’s the question that’s as old as motorcycling itself, and I think I’ve got an answer.

Whilst, as previously mentioned, some people manage to make a living out of racing bikes or having sex, for most of us, both end up costing money one way or the other. The good thing about sex, though, is that it doesn’t tend to cost anywhere near as much as bike racing. And not only can shagging be a relatively cheap pastime, the government haven’t found a way of taxing us for it yet. So that’s got to be a point for ‘sex’.

Sex might be cheaper, but is it more joyous than racing? It’s a funny one isn’t it; both are extremely joyous when they’re going well, but sometimes, the rewards just don’t match the effort you’re putting in. If you’re riding an older model that’s a bit heavier and slower than you’d like, it can be a bit tiresome, and the same can be said for bike racing. Other times, when you’re putting a really good stint in, onboard the latest, lightweight exotic model, you’ll feel as though you’re on top of the world. And that’s also when you’re most likely to come first.

Which is the climax we all strive for, particularly when we’re racing our bikes. We all want to win, and when we do, there’s no feeling like it in the world. And whilst there’s also no feeling in the world like a synchronised climax with the woman, or man, you love, there’s also a certain anti-climax that can often go hand in hand with love making; especially if it’s not with the woman, or man, you love. So for sheer pleasure, I think I’m going to have to give the point to ‘bike racing’.

Like sex, once you’ve finished racing, it’s difficult to know exactly what to do with yourself. Some like to tell anyone who’ll listen, how well they performed (whether they came first or not). Others just want to relax with a cigarette, or simply go to sleep. But when you’ve finished racing for the day, normal procedure for most people is to have a few beers with your mates. Which is a lot more fun than going to sleep in a sweaty, spunk-stained bedspread.

So in conclusion, I’d have to say bike racing is, indeed, better than sex… generally speaking, anyway. Because some days, bike racing is crap. You’re bike might blow up, you might crash, and you might break your legs. On those days, even an average knee-trembler would brighten up your day. But most of the time, bike racing is absolutely brilliant. In fact on some days, if you’re doing it right, it’s the best thing in the world. But making love to a beautiful woman definitely comes a close second… I imagine.


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