When I was a randy little teenager, I was convinced that if I grew up and bought myself a fancy motorbike, I’d be beating... Does riding motorbikes get you laid?

When I was a randy little teenager, I was convinced that if I grew up and bought myself a fancy motorbike, I’d be beating beautiful women off with a stick. Because nothing says ‘sex god’ like having the latest and greatest superbike parked in your garage, does it? That was what I thought back then anyway. In fact I was convinced. Now though, as I rapidly approach adulthood, I’m not sure if my estimations in that regard were entirely accurate. So join us as we ask, does riding motorbikes really get you laid?

I will say that being particularly good at riding, or perhaps racing, may well get you laid. In the same way that being good at anything (well maybe not anything) will. Most top level sports stars have got a fairly trim looking dolly-bird on their arm, and bike racing’s no exception.

I’ve certainly never been good enough at bike racing to reap those kind of rewards but I know of a few people that have.

But really, the fact that they ride motorbikes has probably got a very small part to play in it. The fact that they’re successful at something is probably the main reason the opposite sex find them so attractive. As I said, I wouldn’t know a lot about that.

Cash cows

Of course there is another reason certain women find certain men attractive. In fact it’s another one of the reasons top sportsmen tend to do well with the ladies; it’s because they’ve usually got a few quid.

Now I’m not saying there are many professional bike racers on ‘Premier League’ spec salaries, but there won’t be any MotoGP riders on the bones of their arses, not these days. I’m not for one single moment suggesting there are any MotoGP riders, or professional, rich and famous sportsmen in any sport, that are prayed upon by money hungry women. However there do seem to be some parallels where rich men, outside the world of sport, are concerned.

It’s not very often that you’ll see a multimillionaire business man, sat in his Ferrari with his big, fat ugly wife by his side. She’s usually half his age and half his weight. And good luck to him, I say. He might as well have someone to spend his money for him. As well as perform any other duties they both, consensually, see fit.

Equal opportunities

Why am I talking about businessmen and their gold digger girlfriends? Well because I think it brings us full circle, and it goes someway to explain why I thought chicks dig blokes with bikes. It’s because, really, chicks dig blokes with fat wallets. Not all girls, not the nice ones. But some do. And even the ones that think they’re not interested in a man’s money, probably are a little bit. And before anyone accuses me of being sexist, or anything like that, I’m sure there are plenty of men who like the idea of a nice rich girlfriend, too.

I think subconsciously I knew that I’d have more chance with the birds if I was rich and successful. But that subconscious idea manifested itself in my consciousness, in a slightly skewed way. Perhaps I thought if I have a nice bike people will think I’m rich and successful, and be desperate to mate with me. And I might have been right. Perhaps if I could have persuaded everyone I was rich and successful with a £20,000 superbike, I’d have spread my seed far and wide by now. But wearing rags for clothes and driving round in a battered old van doesn’t exactly give off the right vibe. Certainly not the rich and successful vibe, anyway.

So in summation, I’d say yes, it is possible for motorbikes to help you get laid. But unless you either really good at it, or you’ve got quite a lot of money, you might struggle. If you’re anything like me, you’ll just have to rely on your charm, your wit, and you’re boyish good looks. Best of luck.

Boothy

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Angus Clacher
Angus Clacher
3 months ago

Boothy you are enough. Anyone would be lucky to have you.

Now we need to talk about the articles you are writing ‘cause that one was a shocker.

How about your bike history.

Your favourite road.

The best (and worst time) you had on a bike.

Looking forward to your next piece.

morris
morris
3 months ago

I have the superbike ! Not having much luck. *sigh*