Baron’s Blog: Motorcycle Faffery

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24_wheelieThe sun is coming, the excitement is building – LOL WTF OMG this is really happening. Summer is knocking at the back door and the dreams of touring Europe, days out with your homosapien lovers, fantastical and outrageous ideas that this is the year to buy a special bike and daydreams of 400-mile wheelies whilst licking a 99. It’s April. And this is the re-birth of our annual motorcycle adventures.

But lets just keep one boot in reality here, we all still have to go to work, we all still can’t afford an MV Agusta and as much as we love them, we can’t just abandon our families for weeks on end while we cock about on 2 wheels.

Lets not despair too much and instead I have prepared this list of steps which remind us that some parts of motorcycling are in fact a pain in the perineum at this transitional time of year, when we leave the dull monotony of the commute behind and saddle up for overrated summer excitement.

Step 1) Check the weather on a popular online weather app which even though it’s 2015, still uses incredibly vague 1970’s cloud icons which arrogantly guess at the chances of precipitation within a 90 mile radius – Hmm, what am I going to wear?
Step 2) Pack bag for daily essentials including many items which you know you will never need but you purchased them at the NEC 3 years ago, so you pack them. Just in case.
Step 3) Try to locate those gloves you like which you know you had somewhere from last year, but can’t find them.
Step 4) Settle for the usual disappointing pair which have seen better days, but at least they fit like a.. well… glove.
Step 5) Select perforated, sports, leather jacket today as although it’s only a mere 6 degrees outside, there is 7 mins of sunshine forecast sometime in the afternoon and we want to look our best for those 7 mins.
Step 6) Question whether one should match aforementioned perforated sports leather jacket with leather trousers to match – then decide its not quite power ranger weather yet and settle for Kevlar jeans. Today is a sports casual look kinda day.
Step 7) Think practically and try to squeeze waterproof onesie into a bum bag – or fanny pack. Bum or Fanny, whichever, I’m a fan of both.
Step 8) Push the CB500 commuter machine aside and pull off the covers to the ‘special sunday’ bike – only to realise the battery is flat and that thing you were supposed to fix over the winter – well, you didn’t fix it. So straddle the winter hack instead and start her up.
Step 9) Realise you left your gloves inside the house.
Step 10) Finally, finally – now you can breath in the spring air and for just a brief moment you can relax and feel free from the bullshit of the daily grind. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t sort out your special bike, or that the gloves you wanted to wear you couldn’t find, or that it will inevitably rain imminently. This is your time. Steps 1-9 are clearly optional – it’s only number 10 that really matters.

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