All the gear and no idea

Some people have got all the gear and no idea haven’t they? You might be at a motocross track, a bike café or a trackday… there’s always one. You can usually spot them a mile off. They’ll have a gleaming set of un-scuffed leathers (usually colour-coordinated to their bike) with matching helmet; they’ll have an air of superiority; and they’ll usually be a little bit rubbish on a bike.

And some people will let it bother them. “Look at that tit,” they’ll say, “he’s got all the gear and no idea!”. And whilst they’d be absolutely right to say so, they’d be wrong to let it bother them. Because although we all might get a little bit jealous when we see someone with a better bike than us, newer leathers or a bigger truck, you can’t blame them for wanting to have it. If I was a squillionaire, I’d have all the gear, and I bet you would, too.

And you can’t blame someone for being a bit crap, and not really knowing what they’re doing. We’ve all been there. You’d have been as green as grass the first time you bought a bike, or on the first trackday you ever did. I know I was.

Cheap Suits

Maybe he’s got loads of money and he’s just starting out. If you ask me, I think it’s great he’s spending his money on motorbikes, rather than cars or expensive suits. Or spending it all on his wife, like way too many rich men do.

I think these people should be celebrated. They might have more money than sense, but that’s alright, as long as they’re not hurting anyone. If the worst thing they’re going to do is try and put their top-of-the-range tyre warmers on inside out, they’re probably not worth worrying about.

In fact, what you ought to do, instead of laughing at them with all your mates, is give them a helping hand. Show the bloke with all the gear and no idea the error of his ways. He might tell you to piss off and mind your own business. Or you might find him to be very grateful indeed. He might even buy you a pint. And a bacon sandwich, if you’re lucky… he can obviously afford it.

What have you got to lose?

Boothy