A bad motorbike is better than a brilliant bicycle

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If it was a choice between walking miles, or riding a motorbike there, everyone I know would choose the motorbike. Even if it was a really rubbish one.  There are some people though, who’d give the crap motorbike a wide berth if there was a pushbike on offer. I’m not quite sure why, but they really would. But they’re daft. Because everybody knows that a bad motorbike is better than a brilliant bicycle. And this is why…


First of all, have you ever tried to cycle uphill? I have, and it’s a pain in the knob. It’s not remotely enjoyable and I don’t know why people do it out of choice. In fact cycling on a flat road is hard enough, if you’ve got more than about half a mile to go. Because even the very best push-irons in the world need pedalling. No, it’s much easier to get from A to B if there is an engine powering your bike, rather than a pair of legs.

For a motorbike to be easier than a bicycle to travel on, all it needs to do is work. It doesn’t even need to work very well, it just needs to work a bit.


And as long as it works, it doesn’t need to be very good. It could be the ugliest little moped in the world, but it’ll get you home quicker than a push-rocket. We’re all busy people, aren’t we? Time’s money and all that. So you really would be doing yourself a favour if you opted for something capable of 50mph, rather than 15.

And if you can manage to get your hands on something that’ll do 150mph, then you’re really laughing. Imagine the time (and therefore money) you’d save. If you’ve got time to lollygag around on a push-rod when you could be darting around, flat out on a motorcycle instead, you’ve obviously got too much time on your hands.


And let’s face it, if you do opt for the bicycle over the motorbicycle, you’re not going to look as cool. Even if you’re Bradley Biggins, and you’ve got the best bicycle in the world. In fact most people (i.e. other road users) are probably still going to think you’re a tool. Because whether you are one or not, the cyclists that ride 4 abreast across the carriageway, disregard red lights and get themselves run over by lorries have given you a bad name. And I’m ever so sorry to say this, but when you don your spandex and clip your feet in, you’re all going to get tarred with the same brush.


My fourth and final point is probably the most important one. The main reason that a bad motorbike is better than a brilliant bicycle is because they’re so much more fun. I don’t imagine peddling around like your some sort of Victorian person has ever put a proper smile on anyone’s face in the same way that pulling a massive wheelie on a motorbike can. Not even a real Victorian person. I’ve tried to get into cycling, mountain biking and all the rest of it, but I can’t. Yes, downhill mountain biking has its moments, but they’re only moments. And the amount of effort you have to put in usually sucks a bit of the fun out of it, anyway.

I hope, after hearing my argument, you agree that any motorbike is better than a pushbike, even if it’s a dead posh one. Motorbikes are more fun, easier to ride, faster, and people won’t laugh at you when they see you on one. Can you say the same for your latest carbon framed peddle-bike? I doubt it.


3 Responses

  1. Last weekend was the first really nice weekend where I live and all the fat middle-aged in lycra were out thinking they were Greg le fucking Mond.

    I know we are all playing dress up to some degree (especially the Harley mob) but cycling up some of the mountains around me just looks like they’re killing themselves. I don’t understand it.

  2. Fair enough, but I reckon one of those penny farthings would be a right laugh. Far more fun than a Chinese step through over the first half mile or so.

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